Written September 9, 2010.
If I could go back in time I would be a better big sister. I would be the support my older brother thought he never needed. I would have been a parent to my parents. I wouldn't have ignored the things that scared, angered and hurt me. You should never wait to make a difference in someones life. Looking back and having regrets is a terrible feeling. My motivation came from a fear of being sucked in, but along the way I abandoned those that should have made it out with me. In time they fell deeper and deeper while I continued to slowly climb higher. The worse it got, the more focused I became. It's so overwhelming to be one person trying to help the world. MY WORLD. My family. Chasing dreams to one day help, but will it be too late? The tears will never stop. Time cant be replaced. Play catch up all you want but you can never go back. UP is a good place to go but what if you want to go back DOWN? To start over. To say NO instead of YES. Go RIGHT istead of LEFT. && vice versa. Not at all for my benefit. For theirs ♥
Crying is a temporary fix. Makes me feel better, until the next breakdown.
I cant write anymore. My life WILL be a book or movie one day. Cant reveal everything.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Detached.
Written January 25, 2011.
Living in my head.
Detached from the outside.
I'm here, but im not... Does that even make sense?
Silence can be deafening, while thoughts can be chaos.
CONFUSION. FRUSTRATION.
Yet still...
DETERMINATION. MOTIVATION.
Odds stacked so high. Regardless, I climb.
Must make it out, I HAVE to survive.
Known, but so alone. Skeptical, but so brave.
No turning back...
FOCUSED.
Big Obstacles. Bigger Dreams.
Paradise? Not what it seems.
Step by step. Day by day.
PROGRESS.
Searching for myself. Staying above water.
Positivity? Check. Morals? Still the same. Integrity? INTACT.
I'm makin it.
Living in my head.
Detached from the outside.
I'm here, but im not... Does that even make sense?
Silence can be deafening, while thoughts can be chaos.
CONFUSION. FRUSTRATION.
Yet still...
DETERMINATION. MOTIVATION.
Odds stacked so high. Regardless, I climb.
Must make it out, I HAVE to survive.
Known, but so alone. Skeptical, but so brave.
No turning back...
FOCUSED.
Big Obstacles. Bigger Dreams.
Paradise? Not what it seems.
Step by step. Day by day.
PROGRESS.
Searching for myself. Staying above water.
Positivity? Check. Morals? Still the same. Integrity? INTACT.
I'm makin it.
Most Wanted.
I wrote this January 27, 2011. Just wanted to post it.
New details released in arrest of one of Lee County's most wanted.
The headline hurts my stomach.
I have always been one to be able to see both sides of situations and arguments.
His picture is horrible, but what can you expect after a highspeed chase/wreck/k-9 chase?
His criminal record is far from clean, but who knows his struggle?
The man in the article is family. He is the father to my nieces. My sister's bf of many years. I do not agree with or condone the things that he does AT ALL, but those things that he does have provided for my sister, nieces, my mom and even MYSELF.
While one of Lee County's most wanted was finally caught, 2 of Lee county's children lost their father. They lost the person who kept their stomachs full and kept clothes on their back. That puts strain on my grandmother and I, to provide for 2 babies who's parents (yes BOTH) are behind bars.
Its so sad to see someone so young destroying their life. You scroll down his rap sheet and create this character in your mind. He's labeled as an animal..a thug.. But they don't know the person I know. Someone commented the article and said
"just another waste of space and oxygen."
It breaks my heart. Not just because he is the father to my nieces. Unfortunately it took a personal incident for me to speak out on it, but this world is so quick to judge. Do you ever sit back and think about what made people turn into the person they are now?
Growing up in a FUCKED up household, I speak from experience. If your mind is not super strong you wont make it. If you don't have an escape, something you can look forward to every day you won't make it. If you don't have FAITH in better days, If you dont have some sort of love or support, YOU WONT MAKE IT. You will become another statistic.
I was lucky to make it out. My 19 year old sister was shot 13 times in November and is now locked up. My 24 year old brother is serving 10 years in prison. My half brother is serving 25 years in prison. My dad is locked up. My mother is a recovering drug addict. The things that went on in my household were not normal.. but it was my reality.
I'm not quite sure where I'm going with all this. I was just in the mood to write. I guess right now all I'm trying to say is
1. Don't be so quick to judge ANYBODY. You do NOT know where they come from or what they've been thru.
2. "For every action there is an equal and opposite REaction." Just know that your decisions affect others as well.
New details released in arrest of one of Lee County's most wanted.
The headline hurts my stomach.
I have always been one to be able to see both sides of situations and arguments.
His picture is horrible, but what can you expect after a highspeed chase/wreck/k-9 chase?
His criminal record is far from clean, but who knows his struggle?
The man in the article is family. He is the father to my nieces. My sister's bf of many years. I do not agree with or condone the things that he does AT ALL, but those things that he does have provided for my sister, nieces, my mom and even MYSELF.
While one of Lee County's most wanted was finally caught, 2 of Lee county's children lost their father. They lost the person who kept their stomachs full and kept clothes on their back. That puts strain on my grandmother and I, to provide for 2 babies who's parents (yes BOTH) are behind bars.
Its so sad to see someone so young destroying their life. You scroll down his rap sheet and create this character in your mind. He's labeled as an animal..a thug.. But they don't know the person I know. Someone commented the article and said
It breaks my heart. Not just because he is the father to my nieces. Unfortunately it took a personal incident for me to speak out on it, but this world is so quick to judge. Do you ever sit back and think about what made people turn into the person they are now?
Growing up in a FUCKED up household, I speak from experience. If your mind is not super strong you wont make it. If you don't have an escape, something you can look forward to every day you won't make it. If you don't have FAITH in better days, If you dont have some sort of love or support, YOU WONT MAKE IT. You will become another statistic.
I was lucky to make it out. My 19 year old sister was shot 13 times in November and is now locked up. My 24 year old brother is serving 10 years in prison. My half brother is serving 25 years in prison. My dad is locked up. My mother is a recovering drug addict. The things that went on in my household were not normal.. but it was my reality.
I'm not quite sure where I'm going with all this. I was just in the mood to write. I guess right now all I'm trying to say is
1. Don't be so quick to judge ANYBODY. You do NOT know where they come from or what they've been thru.
2. "For every action there is an equal and opposite REaction." Just know that your decisions affect others as well.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Behind the Scenes of "HUSTLE HARD remix"
Here is never before seen footage from the Behind the Scenes of HUSTLE HARD remix!
S/o to:
@Derick_g for directing derickg.com
@ADBCdesign for the BTS filming www.adbcdesign.com
@mrjasonbassett for BTS editing lovetobestill.com
Models:
@aishathalia aishathalia.com/blog
@misslev
@sidneydean
@amylee305
S/o to:
@Derick_g for directing derickg.com
@ADBCdesign for the BTS filming www.adbcdesign.com
@mrjasonbassett for BTS editing lovetobestill.com
Models:
@aishathalia aishathalia.com/blog
@misslev
@sidneydean
@amylee305
BEHIND THE SCENES OF "HUSTLE HARD" REMIX NEVER BEFORE SEEN FOOTAGE from DERICK G on Vimeo.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Coach Pam Quintier
Reading this hits me soooo hard in my gut. Pam Quintier (Coach P) was my competitive cheerleading coach throughout high school. I made the team my first time auditioning, but soon after was involved in a huge incident and was consequently sent to an alternative school. Upon release from the school I wanted to get back on the cheer team, but administrators didn't want to give me that privilege. P fought with them and got me a place back on the time. It literally changed my life. It took me off the troubled path I was on and gave me something positive to focus on.
Here is the letter:
"I remember my senior year I wanted to stand up and speak at the banquet but I wasn't brave enough. In the 4 years since graduating I planned on writing you a letter. I even started to write a couple of times, but never got around to finishing.
They say, "Dont put off until tomorrow, what you can do today" Soooo, now it is time :)
Coach P,
Years later I look back and realize exactly HOW much of an impact you have made on me and my life. You gave me a second chance when others looked down on me. You saw my potential and brought out a drive in me SO strong, I didnt even know it existed. I wanted so bad to prove that I wasn't who I was labled as. I had taken a few steps in the wrong direction, but you quickly helped me back onto the right track.
I can honestly say cheerleading changed my life. Becoming a Riverdale Varsity Cheerleader gave me an escape from my reality at home. It consumed most of my time and energy which kept me out of trouble and away from those who caused it. It gave me a second family and support and love that I needed.
From day one I was learning what I now understand. I had to face fears and build strength and stamina. Teamwork meant responsibility and taught me the importance of loyalty and dedication. I learned how to take constructive critism and grow from it. As a captain I portrayed leadership. Practice and persistance makes damn near perfect and hardwork without a doubt, pays off. Consequences kept me disciplined while winning kept me motivated. Your fathers faith was contagious. I will NEVER forget "You catch what you fish for" !!
Being apart of such a well known dynasty taught me to be confident enough to succeed, but humble enough to appreciate the victory. I learned good sportsmanship, how to always walk with my head held high and to always carry myself with class.
P, YOU have made me a fair competitor, a winner, a grand champion and most of all, you are a huge part of the woman I am today. These characteristics and qualities you developed in me have helped in almost everything that I do, and I know they will last a lifetime. For that, I thank you.
As I reflect on my life and family at this point, I am and will be forever grateful for the second chance you gave me. Without the faith you had in me, who knows how things would have ended up.
I wish so bad I can scream at you to take a motrin and suck it up ;) If only it were that easy, huh? Just keep being the strong woman that we all know you as. If anyone can fight thru this, YOU can!! I will not stop praying and you should never ever lose faith. Keep holding on P. I love you and appreciate you more than you know."
On November 4, 2010 P passed away. It was the same day my little sister was shot 13 times. Crazy, huh? I went back home and attended the funeral and was so surprised when the pastor pulled out my letter and read it out loud during the service! Pams family members told me that they read it to her while she was still alive. She is one of the strongest most determined people I have ever come across. I probably wouldn't be who I am and where I'm at today had it not been for the second chance she gave me <3
Here is the letter:
"I remember my senior year I wanted to stand up and speak at the banquet but I wasn't brave enough. In the 4 years since graduating I planned on writing you a letter. I even started to write a couple of times, but never got around to finishing.
They say, "Dont put off until tomorrow, what you can do today" Soooo, now it is time :)
Coach P,
Years later I look back and realize exactly HOW much of an impact you have made on me and my life. You gave me a second chance when others looked down on me. You saw my potential and brought out a drive in me SO strong, I didnt even know it existed. I wanted so bad to prove that I wasn't who I was labled as. I had taken a few steps in the wrong direction, but you quickly helped me back onto the right track.
I can honestly say cheerleading changed my life. Becoming a Riverdale Varsity Cheerleader gave me an escape from my reality at home. It consumed most of my time and energy which kept me out of trouble and away from those who caused it. It gave me a second family and support and love that I needed.
From day one I was learning what I now understand. I had to face fears and build strength and stamina. Teamwork meant responsibility and taught me the importance of loyalty and dedication. I learned how to take constructive critism and grow from it. As a captain I portrayed leadership. Practice and persistance makes damn near perfect and hardwork without a doubt, pays off. Consequences kept me disciplined while winning kept me motivated. Your fathers faith was contagious. I will NEVER forget "You catch what you fish for" !!
Being apart of such a well known dynasty taught me to be confident enough to succeed, but humble enough to appreciate the victory. I learned good sportsmanship, how to always walk with my head held high and to always carry myself with class.
P, YOU have made me a fair competitor, a winner, a grand champion and most of all, you are a huge part of the woman I am today. These characteristics and qualities you developed in me have helped in almost everything that I do, and I know they will last a lifetime. For that, I thank you.
As I reflect on my life and family at this point, I am and will be forever grateful for the second chance you gave me. Without the faith you had in me, who knows how things would have ended up.
I wish so bad I can scream at you to take a motrin and suck it up ;) If only it were that easy, huh? Just keep being the strong woman that we all know you as. If anyone can fight thru this, YOU can!! I will not stop praying and you should never ever lose faith. Keep holding on P. I love you and appreciate you more than you know."
On November 4, 2010 P passed away. It was the same day my little sister was shot 13 times. Crazy, huh? I went back home and attended the funeral and was so surprised when the pastor pulled out my letter and read it out loud during the service! Pams family members told me that they read it to her while she was still alive. She is one of the strongest most determined people I have ever come across. I probably wouldn't be who I am and where I'm at today had it not been for the second chance she gave me <3
Elite Xl & Resque Films
Just felt like featuring two very good friends of mine !! Dwight and Reggie make up Photography/Video services @Elitexl and @resquefilms. I have worked with these two several times and have developed a personal friendship with them. Dwight and Reggie are a very versatile team able to capture fashion/commercial/glamour images as well as film, video and motion graphics. They will make sure you have fun during your shoot, while maintaining their professionalism. If you haven't already worked with them, I Highly recommend that you do!
Here are a few pics from shoots and fun nights with Dwight and Reggie
Here are a few pics from shoots and fun nights with Dwight and Reggie
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