Stable yet Stationary

I woke up this morning determined to be productive. I was literally chanting (in my head) "I CAN SLEEP WHEN I'M DEAD, I CAN SLEEP WHEN I'M DEAD." I must have died.. twice... because I fell back asleep two more times before I finally (officially) woke up.

I'm at this strange point in my life. I'm on my own, I'm alone and I have not a clue as to where I want to end up. My attention span is at an all time low. I feel like I don't even know what I like anymore. One day I love something, the next day I'm disgusted. Since I've moved to Miami I've been trying to come up with a plan. All I need is a few short term goals that pave a path towards a long term goal. Sounds easy, right ? Not for me.

I've become more antisocial than ever. I rarely leave my house unless I'm going to work. I will hardly ever pick up my phone. My moods are soo up and down.. Lately the lows last longer. I'm super quiet and isolated. Its texting, tweeting, youtube and reading. Not all bad, but all the time? My to do list seems soo tough to tackle..I must get out of this hole !

On the Contrary, I'm pretty stable right now.. Maybe not mentally, but financially I guess. This is the longest I've been at one job. I pay my own bills. I don't ask anybody for shit other than advice or some motivation. I'm paying off school debt (I plan to go back soon, I think), Help my family out the best I can, I'm paying off old credit cards, old debt from old banks that's in collections.. Just fixing my past careless mistakes. I'm not doing BAD, I just feel like I'm under achieving. Reason being, I don't have a PLAN. Just wish my mind would fixate on something.. even half of something.

As low as I feel these days I know its just a means of preparation and planning for what is soon to come. Both mentally and physically. I've always been an over acheiver, Its only a matter of time before a light bulb goes off in my head and I can attack the idea full force.

Blahhh..

♥ Christa Elise Graziano