Beautiful Disaster.

I will admit that my views on LOVE are a bit corrupt. After my first relationship I found it tough to allow myself to be that vulnerable again. I'm the type who will expect almost nothing as a defense mechanism.. so that I won't end up disappointed. I never thought I was opposed to it, but I guess didn't necessarily welcome it with open arms either. In my eyes, I felt nothing lasts forever, people will always fall out of love, humans aren't made to be monogamous therefore, they're NOT (stay tuned for an entire blog about that) and there isn't a single thing GOOD about saying GOODBYE. I'm at a point in my life where I'm trying to figure out my future, chase dreams and meet my own goals, Live life, save money, invest money, pay off debt, maintain a steady balance on my feet. I'm trying to survive on my own, while also doing my best to help take care of my family. Adding a relationship into all that is not exactly realistic. I can't give 100 percent to one without slacking on the other. Plus there is a lack of potentials on south beach. So yeah. ANYWAYS I started writing this blog with an intention on telling a long story about a situation I was just in, but decided I don't want to do that anymore. So to wrap it up and make a long story short I will say that the big cement wall that was around my heart is not there anymore! Although that bitch should be back up and never ever let down again, I'm not going to do that. I learned a lot in a months time. I am heartbroken, but time heals all. The fact that my eyes and mind are now open makes it all worthwhile. For the first time in a while I took a chance and made decisions like an adult. I didn't run, I accepted it and went with the flow. Granted I still over analyzed a bit, because..well, that just what I do, lol. Was it scary? Very. Risky? Hell yeah. Painful? you have NO idea...but it was BEAUTIFUL. It was so pure, so raw, such innocent... emotion. (Guess there is a slight wall up since I still wont say the L word.) While I cant vouch for today, I CAN for those moments.. and during that time, there was no denying the energy. One of my twitter followers told me "Regret is a wasted emotion." I repeated it in my head several times. Wow. How true. So I have no regrets because what I got out of it is something I could only get from the experience. I felt something that I forgot even existed and met a few of the sweetest, funniest most beautiful spirited people who all left a permanent impression in my heart. The good and the bad are BOTH blessings.

"Im gonna smile because I deserve to. It'll all get better in time." ♥ Leona Lewis